I don't have a lot of time to blog anymore but I do still keep a journal of our DD journey. Someday I'll enter all of my journal entries into this blog. The DD lifestyle is a journey indeed and we learn what works and what doesn't work as we try new things. The past couple of months we've tried many things that haven't worked. I'm going to post specifically about those later in the week, but today I want to tell you about why this lifestyle works for us. Lots of people question it and even judge us for it. Many people have said that it is abusive and that's what I want to clarify the most. The DD lifestyle is not abusive at all. In fact, it's the opposite of abuse. It's pure, strong, unconditional love.
My husband has never hurt me, and by hurt I mean intentionally hit me or abused me in a way that was purposefully done to inflict harm. He doesn't scream at me nor strike me. He doesn't embarrass me in front of our family, friends or public places. He respects me for who I am and loves me deeply and tenderly. That's why this lifestyle works for us.
I want to be the best woman I can be. I want to be a good person, a good mother and a good wife. I want to be honest and non-judgmental and I never want to be lazy. I want to be healthy for myself and for our family and I don't want to say or do things that will hurt myself or my kids or my husband. By the same token, my husband wants to be the best man he can be. He strives to be a protector and provider for us and to be an attentive father and husband. He is gentle, affectionate and strong. There is a natural balance in our marriage and it works well for us.
When things get out of balance, we argue and fight or sometimes begin to grow apart. Like any marriage we have hit rough patches along the way. Most, not all but most, of the rough patches were caused by me. I carried a lot of guilt over this fact. So, when I learned about the DD lifestyle, I brought the idea to my husband and asked him if we could try it. I asked him to hold me accountable and to discipline me when necessary.
He was hesitant to comply at first but we began the journey together and it has only brought us closer.
I gave him a list of things I wanted to improve on and we discussed the list. These things weren't HIS rules imposed on me. They were my ideas and I brought them to him to help hold me accountable.
For example: Over-spending. I know that overspending puts stress on our family and I don't want to do that. I can be an impulse shopper and I want a deterrent from impulse buying. So, we decided on a budget and if I go over that budget, he will hold me accountable to it. This usually means I am draped over his knee for a solid paddling and then into the corner naked to think about it and then bent over for a belt whipping to drive the point home. I know when I overspend that I will be punished hard and I also know that I deserve that punishment.
Some people think this is cruel, but that's because they don't see the compassion and the love that goes into it. I don't get beaten if I go a cent over budget. If there are times I have to exceed the budget I call him and tell him why and then I am not punished. It has taught me the value of money and the need to be selective in what I purchase and not be frivolous with our income. When I blatantly ignore the budget is when I am held accountable and disciplined.
Spanking me is not abusing me. Spanking me is protecting me and our marriage and our family from behaviors that can negatively affect us. By taking me over his knee, he is assuring me that he will not let me, my mistakes or anything destroy us.
Sometimes it is hard to face the fact that I need to be disciplined. When he puts my legs in the air and spanks me while looking me in the eyes and addressing why I am being punished, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. But I know it is needed so that I will change my behavior.
The same hands that spank me are the ones that hold me and touch me and love me and it is an amazing bond. I trust him with all of me and I know that he would never jeopardize us or our family on a whim. Incorporating the DD lifestyle into our lives has saved our marriage and brought us closer than I ever thought we would be. He is my very best friend.